After my divorce I felt particularly betrayed and very hurt by my ex. Every day the feeling was rekindled. He cut me sharply and paralysed me. Almost nothing came out of my hands. I kept spinning in it and didn't know how I could get out. Get out. Set up a horny sex date or fuck some local prostitute.
This feeling flowed through me like a negative energy. Especially the first few weeks were intense after my ex made it clear that he no longer wanted to be with me. My feelings oscillated between deep sadness, grief and anger. The paralysing effect on my body made it difficult for me to make decisions. I just wanted revenge.
How could I cope with this feeling of pain?
It was so unfair what my ex did to me and the children. All I could think about was how to take revenge on him. It got me nowhere. Friends and relatives saw my pain and tried to comfort me with comments like 'time heals all wounds, you will be fine', 'you are better off without him' and 'you will probably come out stronger'.
Of course, all these well-meaning words were of no use. In fact, they often made me feel worse. I tried to ignore the feeling, but it was almost impossible. I had to face it, otherwise I could not continue my life.
There was no reason to keep it. It was part of my life at that moment. I had to be strong, not only for myself, but also for the children. I can choose to let the rest of my life be defined by feelings of revenge, pain and sadness, or I can choose to let it go and move on with my life.
Why do I let myself be hurt in this way?
A year after the divorce, things started to go right. I needed to be able to look myself in the mirror again. Why was I still allowing my ex to hurt me so much? I noticed that I was looking at myself more and more negatively. Thoughts about myself were few and far between, even though I had achieved a lot in the past year.
This negative self-image was not good for my self-esteem. I kept asking myself questions. Could I have avoided divorce? If I had done certain things differently, what would the future have looked like? I did not dare to think too much about the future anyway. Above all, I saw myself sitting alone and lonely on the sofa. Growing old alone.
Letting go of lost feelings
Enjoying the little things, that's what I want. Because even after the divorce, there are still many nice and pleasant things in our lives. I want to be able to enjoy the good times again, together with my children. This is only possible if I learn to let go of these hurt feelings.
In practice, this is not always easy. The fact that I am now a single mother is still a challenge. Especially at parties with friends, it is sometimes difficult to be the only one without a partner. But it's not as bad as I think. Especially when I look at it realistically. I am not the only one who got divorced. Even in my circle of friends, some have divorced and others have later found a partner. Who knows, maybe a new love is in sight for me too.
I no longer want to be a victim
By writing down my feelings and looking at them realistically, I can now manage my feelings better after the divorce. I used to take everything very personally, which is not necessary at all. I'm still worthy of being loved, it's just that my ex doesn't love me anymore. So it's not like the whole world is against me, as I thought at first.
I am slowly learning to decide for myself again and not involve my ex in my every thought and decision. My life is now about me and not about us. Of course we remain the parents of our children, but that does not mean that he has no influence on my life. From now on, I make the decisions without him having to express his opinion. What I do with my life is my decision and I don't have to feel guilty about it.
In life there are ups and downs. It's not that I feel better every day. Sometimes I feel that painful feeling again that I used to have right after the divorce. It's a part of me, but I can handle it much better now. I don't want to be the victim of this situation anymore, I want to enjoy my life again.